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*THE GREY (dir: Joe Carnahan, R) – Ever since I saw Liam Neeson climb into a dead horse belly to hide from enemies in ROB
ROY, I knew his films would be worth watching. And it's about time
he released this high-octane thriller about man-eating wolves in the
Alaskan wilderness. Now if only they could merge this movie with THE
EDGE somehow and have it be a big buddy flick where the wolves and
the bears are just pranking Liam Neeson, Alec Baldwin and Anthony
Hopkins all up and down the Alaskan frontier. |
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CHRONICLE (dir: Josh Trank, PG-13) – In
a world where superhero movies gather so much expectation, it is
always a breath of fresh air to watch a couple of young dummies
you've never heard of before blow your mind with super powers.
Director Josh Trank also seems to pull of the "first person/hand
held" camera technique in a way that is beneficial to the story and
not distracting. If you want to keep secretly believing that you
just haven't found your special super powers yet, then rent this one
right now. |
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ONE FOR THE MONEY (dir: Julie Anne
Robinson, PG-13) – Here is a great example of the poison that is
slipped to us amongst the bounty of other potentially fulfilling and
delicious pieces of cinema. Also, it's another example of how to
confuse both men and woman on what life, enlightenment, and even
true happiness can be about. But don't worry; Katherine Heigl will
use the $15,000,000 dollars she made to improve our personal lives,
not just hers. |
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THE DEVIL INSIDE (dir: William Brent Bell, R) – Some
people say, "You've seen one exorcism movie, you've seen 'em all."
Well, those people must not have seen this most recent
terrifying installment of lessons on why the devil is a very scary
scare tactic. At a mere 83 minutes, this film leaves you terrified
and ready to watch a silly comedy before bed so that you don't have
to think about how scary the devil is when he takes over young girls
and then kills people - with blood, and the power of evil. |
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ALBERT NOBBS (dir: Rodrigo Garcia, R) –
Finally, there is an answer to the age-old question: What makes a man
a man? Glenn Close. After a long 30 years of dressing
like a very handsome man, and standing tall and erect, Close learns
that pulling out isn't as easy as it seems. That's right; the only
thing more dangerous than the man-web she has spun is the booby trap
she can't climb out of. |
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NORWEGIAN WOOD (dir: Anh Dung Tran, Not
Rated) – Take this opportunity to learn something new for once.
Chances are, you know literally nothing about the 1960s,
teenage-angst, future and past loves, or the Japanese. Luckily for
you, this beautiful piece of cinema will have you relating to all of
those things after it has played its tune on your heart strings.
This film is based on an e-book by Haruki Murakami, which was based
on a paper-book. |
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RAMPART (dir: Oren Moverman, R) – Like a fine wine,
Woody Harrelson just gets more and more valuable with his old age.
Seriously, that dude is cool. In this cop drama about what's right
and wrong and what makes a hero a hero, one might go so far as to
say Harrelson's icy hot performance is matched only by Ned Beatty,
Ben Foster, Anne Heche, Ice Cube (yeah, that's right), Cynthia
Nixon, Sigourney Weaver, Robin Wright, and Steve Buscemi's. |
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AFGHAN LUKE (dir: Mike Clattenburg, R)
– Nick Stahl tries his darndest, like a kid ready to say something
cute, to not look actively bored in this film. No really, he’s
not squinting and grimacing all the time because the sun’s always in
his eyes; he legitimately is clueless as to how this Luke character
should play out. However, I can’t entirely trash the movie since it
was directed by the creator of TRAILER PARK BOYS (you can absolutely see
the same comedic touches in this movie that made that show what it
is). If for that one reason alone, I’d say give this disc a spin and
hope for the best. |
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THE FRONT LINE (dir: Hun Jang, Not
Rated) – Centered around the final battle of the Korean war that
will determine the border between North and South Korea, this bloody
war drama will not feature Hawkeye Pierce or Hot Lips Houlihan
patching up soldiers. Sorry, all you MASH fans out there. Guess
there won't be any laughs in this one. |
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^MICHAEL (dir: Markus Schleinzer, Not Rated) – Never
before has evil seemed so chillingly mundane. Come spend a few weeks
with unassuming insurance agent Michael and the 10-year-old boy he's
abducted and keeps in his basement. Damn you, Austria. |
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MY PERESTROIKA (dir: Robin Hessman, Not
Rated) – An elementary school reunion unlike anything ever captured
on celluloid, this movie chronicles the evolution of Soviet Russia
during the latter part of the Cold War. Though a little slow for my
tastes, I’m sure plenty of people with a heavy interest in Russia
will appreciate how historically prone this movie is. |
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MY PIECE OF THE PIE (dir: Cedric Klapisch, Not Rated) – A single mother loses her job at the local
factory, so she enrolls in a housekeeper training program - which
helps her get a job cleaning the apartment of a attractive Paris
stockbroker. Housekeeper training program? I wonder what the final
exam is like. And how do you get certified to teach that course?
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PLAYBACK (dir: Michael A. Nickles, R) – Yes, it’s a
dumb horror movie, but I ended up having a good time relishing all
of the horror clichés and staples this movie so clearly embraces.
The bloody dismemberments, the out-of-control teen partying, the
inappropriately placed scenes of youthful promiscuity: it’s exactly
how I take my horror - nonsensically. |
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THE SHRINE (dir: Jon Knautz,
Not Rated) – Journalists link the disappearance of a young American
backpacker to a village in Poland. They go in search of the story
and find more then they hoped for: HUMAN SACRIFICE!!! With
characters like Purple Cloaked Man 1, Purple Cloaked Man 2 and Henchmen 1-7, this movie
is sure to be scary, like HOSTEL 1,2,and 3. |
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WE WERE HERE (dir: David Weissman /
Bill Weber, Not Rated) – Wanna get bummed out? Then check out this
documentary that tells the story of San Francisco in the early days
of the AIDS crisis and how the community dealt with it. I wonder if
Steven Seagal is in it, talking about how AIDS was made by the
government. |
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* = KURT'S PICK OF THE WEEK!
^ = BART'S PICK OF THE WEEK! |
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NEW SERIES THIS WEEK! |
NEW (BUT NOT NEW) MOVIES THIS WEEK! |
NEW FAMILY TIME THIS WEEK! |
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NO NEW FAMILY TIME THIS WEEK! |
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